This was originally posted on 02/14/09
Let me preface this with a little explanation. My sister is mean. Yes, it’s that simple. As a child, she was constantly torturing my brother and me; throwing spiders on us, putting crickets in our beds, catching frogs and chasing us with them. I can even recall an incident with a dead snake and a box. Eventually, my brother grew up and learned to ignore her, but to this day, I am still frightened by small creeping critters.
Now to preface the next part of the story-
As you all know, my great-grandmother hasn’t been doing very well lately. As such, my sister has been staying with her at night. Mostly to make sure she’s eating regularly and to see that she doesn’t fall. Since my grandmother has been ill, there has been a flurry of activity going through her house.
It’s an ordinary house, really; 2-bedrooms, hardwood floors, plaster walls and a kitchen booth with corner windows behind it that overlook the lawn. You know the kind of house I mean; something straight out of the 1950’s. The kitchen table is the same one that countless people have eaten from for the last 60 years- both complete strangers and family alike. In fact, it’s the same table that they purchased when they moved into the house. The house has seen so much activity over the years, that if the walls could talk, they’d have some incredible tales to tell.
But up till just a few months ago, the house had no toys strewn over the living room floor, no pop-guns on top of the refrigerator, no errant shoes hiding under the bed… it was very orderly because the kids weren’t there regularly enough to make those messes and because my grandmother lived there alone.
Well… a few days ago, I was sitting in the booth chatting and I noticed a large, very realistic, toy lizard on the table made of some sort of soft squishy silicone-like plastic. It’s brown about 8-10 inches in length. Even though I’m not sure who purchased it for them, it obviously belongs to one of my children.
I have no idea what got into me, really I don’t; but as I eyed the lizard, inspiration suddenly struck. With a devilish grin, I picked it up, took him into the spare bedroom where my sister has been sleeping and put him under the covers. The bed sits on the left wall of the room and I assumed she’d been getting into bed from the side closest to the door. It’s the side I’d get in if I were staying there. So I pulled the sheets back and put the lizard just under where the pillows would be. That way, the lump it would make wouldn’t be so conspicuous.
As I did it, I pictured in my head the scene: she’d be in her pajamas with a book tucked under one arm, pull back the blankets, and WHOA! She’d be startled, let out a little yelp as she jumped sky-high and then she’d quickly realize it was my kid’s toy lizard. She’d laugh to herself thinking the children had put it there. At any rate, it would make her smile. I came home that night proud of myself that I’d finally gotten her back for the years of critter-torture I’d suffered at her hands.
I called later that night after I was sure she’d already gotten into bed and innocently asked how she was doing. She laughed and asked me which child had “done it”? I laughed a little and asked her what she meant and she began to explain what had actually happened.
It was eerily similar to the scene I’d pictured, but I never could have predicted one little detail- she didn’t get into bed on the side I’d put the lizard. She gets into bed on the opposite side. So by the time she noticed the lizard in bed with her, she was snuggled down reading her book. /snickers
She said she glanced over and all she could see was about 6 inches of brown tail near her arm. She threw the covers back, jumped out of bed, and was down the hall nearly to the bathroom before she realized that she’d have to deal with the lizard herself. /giggles
She actually hit her toe on the dresser in her haste to get out of the bedroom, but she didn’t notice it until she got back into bed much later. Talk about your delayed reaction! /snorts
The only thing that would have been more perfect is if the lizard had fallen down behind the bed so that when she went back into the bedroom, she couldn’t find it. /smirks
As she was relating the story to me, I was laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my face. My stomach muscles were on fire from the laughter. I couldn’t stop laughing. I nearly hurt myself laughing so hard. When I finally did catch my breath and was able to speak coherently, I claimed credit for the deed. She said she couldn’t believe it was me! She said she’d had the fleeting thought that it was me, but quickly dismissed it because it didn’t seem like something I’d do.
As I told the kids about it later, they cackled with glee. Then they started coming up with more ideas to scare Aunt Marcee. Through guffaws of laughter, Daniel remembered that we have a large remote-controlled tarantula and thought it would be hilarious if we put it at the foot of her bed so that she’d feel it with her toes before she actually saw it. Personally, I think the idea has merit. /wicked grin
While I was telling Daniel, I noticed that Christopher had a very contemplative look on his little face. Then his eyes twinkled and he innocently asked, “Mommy, can you help me catch a snake?” /breaks into uncontrollable laughter
Lordy, where DO they get these ideas? /looks around innocently
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